My companion

He stays by my side
Won't let me go without him
Every day I get up
Every time I lie down
He is there and follows me everywhere
I can't see a way out
A deep sadness keeks crushing emotions every time they try to fight their way through towards daylight
Sadness, my new companion, will you ever let me go again?
My once happy life tries to vanish from my thoughts.
The mourning about a lost love
Maybe 10 happy years are more than others get
Maybe it was too good to be true
I had it all
And lost so much
The safeness and warmth of a family
Love is so deep, I can't just push it aside.
It is the inner bond of a family
Amourosness, the hormonal imbalance fades with time, it's superficial and volatile
Love is so much deeper
No need for exceptional hormonal conditions.

My love

Do I need you: No
Do I want you: I don' know it anymore
Do I love you: Yes I still do and will probabely never stop to

Your new plan is not to make plans anymore
Just another side of enforcement
Doesn't seem to make you happier
or even content

Nothing I do seems good enough for you
I will never be something new
I am who I am
still willing to go through the fire for you
but what does it mean for you?

What will you find somewhere else
someone who accepts you like I do?
Everything new you do, will turn old the next time you go
Wanting the unreachable
the unbearable
just to loose it all

Gedankengeier

Gedankenströme kreisen nicht um das Schöne
Sondern immer wieder um das gleiche Übel
Halten mich im hier und jetzt

Gedankenkreise erlauben keinen Ausbruch
Erzwingen monotone Bilder
Der selben Pein

Gedankengeier picken an Vergangenheit
Träume gehen über Schmerzensschranken
Malen düstre Zukunftsreisen
Kratzen an kaum vorhandner Zuversicht
Schieben sich dazwischen.

A little sprout

A little sprout

Will it grow?

Will it be treaded down

Will it end up in decay?

A little sprout

How will it end up?

So vulnerable and new

Will the wind blow it away?

Or will it last?

The ground it grows on is diverse

The rooting was cut

The wind blows

Hungry snails

Memories of its past

they will last

But the future is unshure

A little sprout

it’s alive by now

One way trip to nowhere

Is real life becoming a play?
I try
but its's hunting me
finds me everywhere I try to hide
Should I look for the exit sign?
I am on a one way trip to nowhere

Sometime darkness takes over
it crawls inside me
destructive thoughts
intense moments
intimacy and unity
jealousy eating me alive

My diseased ego needs pampering
Replacement for once happy thoughts
stole my life

Art

Art lies within destruction and pain
The happy artist ceases to exist
Performing art is yet another form of prostitution
while the excuse lies within a declaration as fake
in the same moment the artist shall be on a quest for truth
Every art includes stripping down your soul
becoming vulnerable
that is why I quit
and that is why I found my way back

Out of the cocoon

I came from a world of love and trust
thrown into darkness, pain and disgust
Replacement, Adjustment, Jailbreak, Destruction and letting go.
I am not the same anymore
I am not sane anymore
I am not the one anymore

When I once met you I was fucked,
you made me whole and destroyed me again.
Now she is in my life though I never invited her in
She is not welcome in any way
I have no choice
I would gladly kick her out of any life
Dark thoughts of destruction

Reason - is not what I am going to be

Super-old (Written when I was about 15)

I'm a bad angel in a cruel world
I never watch your face
before I turn around.

Heartless

Heart-less - Less-heart
a vital necessity
less sympathy and less compassion
less love and pain
Hearts are overrated
life-sustaining waste